It’s Valentine’s Day! I was supposed to blog about a different topic on love but I guess there’s no better time than today to write about romantic love, especially among married couples.
I am definitely out of my depth with regard to the topic ;-), so who better to ask the question below than my married friends and relatives?
How do you keep your love for each other burning/fresh throughout your marriage?
I arranged the answers from the shortest to the longest married and put in bold some important words and phrases. Let’s learn from their candid answers:
David and Vicki, 4 years married
Spending quality time together like reading (Bible) together, praying together. We also like hiking.” – David. “Having the Lord Jesus as the center of our lives and marriage. We try to have the Lord first in our lives. And also open communication." – Vicki,
T and M, 10 years married
“Prayers and communication are a good combination. No relationship is perfect there are ups and downs. Prayer is powerful and makes the journey worthwhile. While blessings tend to be given unknowingly, trials on the other hand come and go.
Communicating well by talking face to face every day, updating each other what happened throughout the day can be boring but exciting too. My wife does the talking and I do the listening. We are a team - check and balance. She does the checking – mostly my mistakes and I balance things out. Our son is the bonus. My wife is the serious one while I am the cute and funny one. There’s really no formula. We’re just a normal couple but I guess being normal is what makes it special.”
Dave and Tess, 16 years married
“Well, I don't have an answer as to how to keep a marriage "fresh and burning." What I can say is more important than that, but it's much more "boring" from the perspective of sounding "exciting." What I can say is how to remain faithful in marriage. But that's a different, unrelated issue. After all single people typically have "burning" relationships with one another, but they often are not "faithful" to one another. That may be OK for singles. But it's the end of the world for married couples.”
D and T, 18 years married,
“We make sure that we both know how to listen. No keeping of secrets even if it hurts and learning to pray together.”
B and J, dated 2 years, now 23 years married
“Trust and love in God and each other. Keep the friendship. Be more forgiving than you'd be. Of course – my intimacy with Abba is the foundation and only from the overflow I can give the above.”
Val and Amy, 28 years married
“God designed marriage and it was He who placed the love we have in our hearts for each other. It is our fear of displeasing God that makes us remember and fulfill our roles. Our union is not all 'a bed of roses.' We have our disagreements but we learned to agree to disagree. We don't let our quarrels last a day. We make extra effort to make amends within 24 hours. It's not easy but when the Holy Spirit convicts us, He gives us the power to ask for forgiveness whoever is at fault. We continuously express our love for each other every day from waking up to going to sleep by hugging and kissing. We love to do things together like going to movies, eating out, exploring new places, watching our favorite TV series, doing groceries, and going to church. We always talk about anything under the sun and we laugh and cry together depending on the topic. When we moved here in the US we helped each other with household chores. Val has taken it upon himself to prepare breakfast and he loves to wash dishes. We just do what we can without being told.” - Amy
We support each other's passions. We encourage each other when one of us suffers a setback or just gets tired and weary. We cheer each other on, and we gamely show how proud we are of each other's accomplishments by posting it on Social Media. Speaking of Social Media; we agree to put away our phones and other devices when we are together on dinners and lunch-outs.
We talk with each other, sharing our plans, our dreams, even our problems and heartaches. We do not withhold our feelings when one of us does something that we dislike or hurt us. And we are quick to forgive each other... always bearing in mind, that despite the hurt we've caused the other, we still love each other very much and nothing can or will change that.” – Val,
Chuck and Sherry, best friends for 3 years, now married for 37 years
"Here are our tips:
1. Always keep a positive mental picture of your partner in your mind
2. First encounters. Every time we see each other for the “first time” (whether it is waking up in the am, after work, after being apart for 30 mins etc, it must always be a positive and encouraging encounter toward our partner
3. NEVER stop PLAYING together! Life gets serious real quick ... try to keep it light and fun. Play! Pursue what each other likes ... laugh a lot!
4. Live intentionally: We determined we would always keep our romance alive. We have been married now over 37 and half years and keep this formula for keeping our romance alive:
4 things: 1. Once a week we have a date, 2. Once a quarter an overnight somewhere just the two of us, 3. Once a year 1 week away together just the two of us, 4. At least one hour together at the end of a day looking in each other’s eyes (no TV, phones, computers, books, etc.) talking.
When we would go out on our dates and the kids would protest (we had 6 kids), Chuck would say, “She was my girlfriend before I had you and one day you are going to grow up and leave me and she is still going to be my girlfriend." Mission accomplished. After all these years we still love being together... he is still my boyfriend and I am still his girlfriend and we are very much in love! We are each other's best friend!❤️"
Bruce and Elaine, 42 years married
“We live in a world that places so much pressure on relationships in general none the least that of marriage. The glue that keeps us in love and together is a genuine relationship with Father, Son, and Holy Spirit! ‘God is love’ so without Him love would be just words, shallow and meaningless! Sickness, disease, finances and so many other things can put great strain on keeping love for each other burning and fresh. Without God many of those things could pull down any marriage.
Don't like to give him any credit but the devil and his fallen angels only ever come to kill steal and destroy (they hate marriage). So for love to remain burning and fresh, we have to put total trust and confidence in God who is not only love but also the author and finisher of our faith! Do we make mistakes? Yes. Do we always see eye to eye with our spouse? No. Too many allow the lies of the thief to kill, steal, and destroy their marriage ending in divorce.
God hates divorce so He is always on the side of those that trust Him, and He and I would suggest only He can keep our love for each other burning/fresh throughout marriage!
Communication, communication, communication! Always keep the lines of communication open between each other and with Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. You can be angry with each other but strive to resolve it quickly! Ephesians 4:26-27, ‘Be angry, and do not sin: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give [a]place to the devil.’”
Drs. Miguel and Mireya, 42 years married
"I guess we see marriage as two people that work together---I see husband as president and wife as vice-president. We both have a say in different matters. A lot of our conversations center on dreams and plans for ministry and His church. Now, from the beginning I took up my role as a mom, and I loved to cook, and handle domestic affairs. I don't consider myself a submissive wife. I just embraced the domestic affairs out of choice and loved raising kids.
Miguel handled the outside chores, mowing the lawn, car care, and things that needed physical strength No one is perfect, so FORGIVE-ness is a component in a marriage relationship. We are aware of our personality differences and respect that...we know what annoys us, and we don't always think in the same way. When we don't agree we wait, put the matter aside, wait some time, pray and then we talk again, and again and again, and PRAY, until the Lord speaks to our hearts for the best decision to take.
But TEAM-WORK is VERY important---marriage is not a hierarchical arrangement, but team-oriented! Oh, and celebrate as often as you can to store good memories!"
Terry and Susan, 49 years married
“Our love for one another is a renewable commitment each and every day. We choose to make our friendship as well as our love the top priority. As much as we love family and now grandchildren (and that is a LOT of love), we have never let anyone or anything take a higher priority over our mutual friendship, our deep relationship or our lifetime commitment to one another.
Over almost 49 years of marriage, we have learned that the word ‘love’ is not just an emotion or feeling. True love is really a verb.”
Answers straight from the heart of couples who have committed to love each other no matter what. I have nothing more to add.
Have a love-filled weekend, everyone!
Next week: Loving Momma and Poppa
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